Let's all think back when things seemed to make sense. I'm not one for being sad or thinking the worst, but lately I have and that shyt is killing me. Like one minute I'm good next I'm dead sitting on my couch thinking why the fuck am I alive? Thats not good thoughts for a heathly 18 year old girl to be thinking. Sometimes I dont even want to get out of bed because I dont feel like walking out my house and stepping outside.

I'm not much of a person to sit around and be sad. Because I'll never get over it. One minute I'm sad next I'm mad or happy. Whats going on with me? I have the only mood swings, and I wish I could get these shyts under control. I don't want to be the sad lonely girl who cuts the world off from her, or worst her own family. My mothers friend made a comment that didn't bug me, didn't hurt me, but I had to think. She asked Mandy why are you getting so mean? It's not that I'm getting so mean, but I've been threw so much shyt that I've made this layer around me and that cuts people off from me. When I see something going good I fuck it up because I think its too good to be truth. Like I need some time to myself to really figure these things out.....