LMFAO ! SOME people are so FUCKING dumb!! I swear odeeee! Some one just told me they had a girl friend, okay WTF! Why are you talking to me if you got a girl? WTH! They gonna say oh cause I thought you knew hun. NO you DICK HEAD how the fuck am I suppose to know that shyt when you NEVER told me. Deadass, these basketball players out here need to be slapped silly. I swear to God. When they come back to the city I don't want to hear from them at all, NO ims, NO text, NO email, NO calls ! Just LEAVE ME THE FUCK alone. People wonder why I'm the way I am, YOU ASSHOLES make me this way. I don't believe in SHYT ! Deadass!! UGH! I'm so DONE with this BULLSHYT ! Cause it seems to me like there's something NEW every day with my ass. I thought since this was SR. year it was going to be smooth sailing. BUT I WAS WRONG! You got drama at home, drama in school, drama with friends, drama with ex's DRAMA FUCKING EVERY WHERE! Yo like deadass I need to get away from NY!!! I swear on everything I LOVE !! SMH! But w.e. you know ima keep this smile up !! And keep it pushing.
I guess some things come to an end right? Me and my girlfriend I BELIEVE we broke up on Jan 26 , 2010. After only being together for 6 days? NOT the shortest relationship I've ever been in but dam sure the dumbest. When we started I didn't take her serious. Neither did Giovana. But w.e. I let that slide and look her serious. But of course these young girls don't know how to fucking act and they feel the need to ACT OUT! NOPE! Not happening with me little mama. I BLOCKED her!!! She hit up my friend like is Amanda online, why did she lock me. So i ignored my friend and text my girl and we got in this like fight and i told her straight up, your aways weren't cute, you was ignoring my ims and text for two days why the fuck should i stay with you? Yeah i know that's not the best reason BUT WHY? You seemed perfectly fine with your stupid ass aways about this and that. I was just making it easier for yo mamita. Like HELLO! Your with some one, why are your aways saying your lonely? Like sweetie you think I wasn't going to see that? Oh and then her Valentine shyt. PERO I need a Valentine blah blah blah, like okay I know your WITH ME! Who else would be your Valentine huh? THE FUCKING AIR? Oh she was just playing yeah WELL I DIDN'T take it as no FUCKING joke! I wasn't laughing in my corner. I was pissed! Cause when i hit her up about it, bitch NEVER wrote back, but those aways were hanging so she was seeing the ims! I know the tricks ma, i do the SAME SHYT!!! so as of know I'm single until i bag up another cutie. ;]
I recently had to do a very hard thing. I had to have a convo with my ex and officially end things. Not that there was a "thing" to begin with but that that there WAS something to end. I didn't want to, I had the chance to still get what I want from this person, but I didn't I've gain too much respect for myself to lose it for a one night stand. A little more action isn't as important as my self respect. Yeah I wouldn't mind being with this person one last time, but whats the use? I came too far to go back to the old ways. I've talked TOO MUCH bull shyt about others to turn around and do the dumb shyt. I cant and i refuse to be that girl, who you once had and think you can have when ever. After explaining basically this in few or little words my ex was saying sorry like crazy. But the damaged had been done. I seen how my ex viewed me. I let them get to comfortable in thinking and feeling they could say what ever and do what ever. I am a independent woman, I stand around and wait for no one. And I dam sure ain't about to let someone come along and change things up for me now. NOPE! I will not ! Things are different, but my ex asked me a very important question. And I gave them a very important answer. They asked, "When I'm rich, I cant have you?" I said "I wanted you when you didn't have the money, money ain't a thing" And that was honestly real. That's how I truly felt. I loved you before you became famous and I'm still going to love you. As long as things don't change you'd always remain the same. But even with a question like that I had to tell the truth, you cant have me when YOU want. I doesn't work that way. Cause ONE when I want you when I want it, you don't supply it. TWO I'm not a doll you can just play with and when you've grown out of it put it in your toy box and some time around take me out to remembered the "good-old-days"AND YES that alone hurt, YEAH it was the right thing to do, but sometimes the right thing doesn't always feel good when your used to doing the wrong thing and feeling alright about that. But I'm tried of doing the wrong time, its time to do the right thing. It's time for me to realize I mean more then just this and that. I know my ex tells my they love me, but should I believe them? Should I throw everything they've put me threw aside and act like since they said this things are different? No! I have to take in to account what they've REALLY done and think hard about the person I want to be. My friend Micaela had told me something once. She said when a person Loves you they're the ones who hurt you the most. They're the ones who bring you both happiness and pain. That theory applies to friends too. Your closest friend can bring you the biggest pain."broken hearted girl" I wont be that girl who has to be sad about this. I can be sad, but I wont let this ruin my life. I will keep pushing and keep doing me. That's all that matters right? I finally learned, its MY happiness that comes first.
LMFAO! So my mother texted me today about Jay Z being a Devil worshiper. HAHAHAH!!!! OMG! I dont know what to believe, I honestly dont mind the video but whatever. I like this song, honestly I dont get WHAT THE FUCK the video has to do with the song, or why the song is called on to the next one. Like in the song is he really saying "on to the next one" meaning like on to the next girl? WHAT THE FUCK are you trying to say Mr. Carter? Like what the hell man.
The trouble with love is It can tear you up inside Make your heart believe a lie It's stronger than your pride The trouble with love is It doesn't care how fast you fall And you can't refuse the call See, you got no say at all
The trouble with love is you can love some one so much its hard to give them up. love hurts! IT SUCKS! It sucks alot. My heart has been threw so much. I've had my share of heart ache and pain. I've even been hurt so much that I'm scared of being with some one else. Is it wrong for me to want to find some who can eat up all my time, enjoy my ego, laugh at me and laugh with me, i wouldn't mind a relationship like Jim and Pam from the Office. Where's my Pam? My Jim? My Martin? My Gina? =/ Is it wrong to want to have another piece in life you love? If there was a god, he would know that I really want some one. Yeah! You can't always get what you want but it always good to hope. I just don't want to turn into a hopeless romantic. One of those people ALWAYS looking for love. Like Kelly from the Office. LOL! Just tell me, how can I fix my poor broken heart?
"Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment."
Attachment? YEAH , big attachment indeed. I've been attached to a number of few, but have I ever really been in love? Needless to say, I have separated puppy love with the real thing. My 13 years old boyfriend Justin that was puppy love. Awh walk me to the bus stop, play with me during lunch time, I'll see you in the hall way puppy love. Kvon Hallett, real love. My 1st love. My only love so far. I believe that I will love again. It isn’t hard to love. It the cloest thing you get to fully understanding God. Isn’t it?
BUT! Have I ever loved a girl? Have I ever had strong feelings for a girl that I could see myself with. Have I've dated guys that I don’t know how to love a girl. I had a girlfriend recently. Nice girl, annoying, STUPID ass away messages but besides that not to bad. She was really pretty nice body but her mind wasn’t where it needed to be. I never really wanted to use my blog for only love really I didn’t. I wanted to use my blog to BLOG about shyt that goes on in my everyday life! Isn't that my main goal. But we come back to this on going thing about love? I WANT to love again! And i honestly want it to be with a girl. As you can tell I finally picked who I want to be with ! GIRLS. I don’t want guys. Not because my ex Kvon crushed my heart so badly that I'm scared another guy will do the same NO! I have had guys tell me all the time they're different them him and they will be there for me, but my heart no longer wants penis. LOL. I think it wants something else. And I know how they say omg you CAN'T pick to be a homo, lesbian, gay, fag, or w.e. insulting word you'd like to choose. The truth of the matter is I've liked girls since I was little. It never bothered me though. I never had to think twice about it or wondered if I was doing a bad thing. Just because I was in the 2grade and found myself looking at girls a certain way didn’t scare me. I just thought it was another feeling and it was okay to feel that way.
I've kissed girls, I've done un namely things with girls, I'm not shy. Very opened minded and girls like me, HEY what can I say. I think sometimes girls have more to offer then guys. Yeah I know some GUYS who hate girls who like girls would argue with me about that comment. But I won’t back down on what I've said. It's true, I HONESTLY believe girls have MORE to offer. Ugh yes SOME DAY I want kids, it is a confusing thing, an confusing way to live life. But it is my life shouldn't I be the captain of my own destiny?
Now tonight i watched Legion. now here's the IMDb plot review of it;
"What happens when God gets tired of us lowly humans and decide to start over? Well nothing good, thats for sure. Here are three new images from Scott Stewarts upcoming horror-action movie Legion, starring Paul Bettany as an archangel who voluntarily falls to Earth to save the savior of mankind. Unfortunately said savior hasnt been born yet, and his mom is a diner waitress played by Adrianne Palicki. Luckily for our warrior angel, the diner also has some battling humans to lend a hand, including Dennis Quaid, Charles S. Dutton, Tyrese Gibson, and Lucas Black. Hell need them too, when theyre surrounded by angels. [D-Man2010]
Scott Stewart's supernatural thriller Legion, scripted by Peter Schink, concerns a group of strangers in an out-of-the-way eatery who become the first line of defense when God, believing the human race is no longer worthy of Him, decides to end their existence. This motley crew's only spiritual ally is the archangel Michael, played by Paul Bettany. Dennis Quaid, Tyrese Gibson, Charles S. Dutton, and Lucas Black co-star in the Screen Gems production. [D-Man2010]
When God loses faith in Mankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity's only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner and the Archangel Michael. [D-Man2010]"
now after watching the movie i have a little review of my own. First of I loved how the movie had both major angels that are world known. Michael the Arch Angel and Gabriel. Like I how they switched the roles of both angels. As some of you may know, Gabriel was the angel would visited Mary and told her the news of her pregnancy. (FYI, no chick is gonna want to hear that she is knocked up with the Lord's baby by no dam angel, idk about you BUT I'd flip if that was me) And Michael (the Arch Angel) is known for being a "battle angel". In the movie, Michael is protecting the baby, and he was the one who told Charlie she was having this baby. However, Gabriel was sent after Michael failed to do God's will and kill the baby. Crazy right? I've been in catholic school all my life, I respect the religion deeply. Do i agree with half of its rules or how the "church" views society no, but I still respect it. Now back to the story; This movie made me think that what if the world went to shits. What would man kind do? How would they react. This movie was very graphic. I even cried when a couple of people died. Of course the good people, not the bad people, however (spoiler alert) when Gabriel is thrown from the car my heart went out. I was like ouch that HAS to hurt! This movie was so deep, I think it was more deep for people who know the religion and know very well what they THINK would had happened. I most say though, THIS IS A MUST SEE. I rate it 4 and half stars.
on Jan 18 my family welcomed a premature beautiful baby boy, His name is Joesph. ilhim son. yay!!! too bad he has to stay in the hospital for 24weeks but thats okay, cause once he's out, he's all mine >:] ..
Ladies listen if your boyfriend, man, husband or w.e. aint treating you right dont stay. Fool me once shame on u , fool me twice shame on me. Like what i dont get is how some girls just let a any old nigga do w.e. they please to them. See i only did that with my ex Kvon. But i learned the hard way the only person that will look out for you is YOU! So you gotta treat your self with respect and you gotta know how to handle the game. Now it took me a long time to know that and learn it, even after my mother tried to brain wash me with it. But now i know, all i got is myself, and thats all I'm ever gonna have, gotta be true myself. YAH HEARD?!
Now that Anali talk again I'm as happy as ever. Me and Kvon just cant get along and he doesn't care about any one's feelings but his own. Like I'm just tired of always being his door mat, you feel me? IDC, how much I "think" I love him, its so much a girl can take before she finally fucking leaves. Anali is a really great basketball player and I know he's gonna far. I just hope he doesn't leave, I really care about him a lot :). He basically makes me smile. And to be a guy and make me smile and laugh does a lot. Dont get me wrong, Luis, makes me laugh all the time. But he playing wild games right now. And i just cant deal with it. I care about Luis a lot, like that's my "unofficial" man lmfao, but he's forever getting high, hardly ever calls, and this "trust" shyt he got going on. Like i dead stupid like a dude one night talking to him. Like i was about to call him my bitch! LML dead ass. But w.e. lets see what the future brings for me??? MAYBE FINALLY BEING HAPPY???
What I dont get is why guys always go for fighting. Like my ex, he forever trying to fight some one for coming at him. Like pa its not that serious. Be wise, use your head. I stop fighing when I entered 9th grade, cause whats the point of fighting. I'm not one to sit there and talk shyt either, thats even more pointless. If someone argues with me dont get me wrong I'm going to argue back but it depends on what we sitting there argueing about. If we dead sitting there argueing about how i closed the door in their face I'm going to look at the bitch like she's crazy. Like girls are dumb. YES. I'm a dam girl but I aint going to fight over some dumb shyt, I might argue but fist wise nah. It takes alot for me to hit someone. ALOT! Like when Tamisha threw soda on me, OMG! I wanted to knock her lights out. But Giovana's fucking ass jumpped on my back so i couldnt go back to her fat ass! Like wtf ! lmfao Nah but that day was type funny, cause I tricked Giovana and tried to run back and she literally jump on my back and was like NO AMANDA! AHAHAHAH. Funniest shyt. Omg and then when Tamisha and Micaela got into! OMG ! That was ode funny, cause me and Giovana both watch it all happen. We watched Tamisha bump into Micaela and then Micaela came at her you already know and then Tamisha put her finger in Micaela's face !! it was a wrap ! IT WAS TIME TO WRAP THAT SHYT UP ! lmfao. Micaela went off. Mad heads were trying to hold her back. lol AND fucking lil Sade was holding Tamisha back i was LIKE WTH! What foolishness is that ! What bs is that i see lol. ahahahahah!!! OMG that day was classic. Cause me , giovana, and shanience was dead in the hal wayd oing the robot singing you dont know me lol . ahahahahah OMG ! Why cant shyt like that happen all the time? Like no fighting but people argueing cause I dead sit there laugh at these bitches ! ODE ! ahahah.
HA! OOAWW* you know im loseing weight I'm dumb hype about this! I started my memeber ship at Planet Fitness so now me and Nene, Liz, and sometimes Sade come and we work out. I Gotta get this weight off !!!!
omg i seen this online and i just had to copy and paste it! its so beautiful and so sad.
Dear Baby, Mommy loves you. Mommy loves your sweet little hands with your sweet little fingers and your sweet little toes. Mommy loves everything about you. You make mommy smile, you make mommy laugh you make mommy cry. Mommy cry's because she's so happy for having a baby like you. Mommy also cry's because mommy couldn't keep the rest. Mommy was young and stupid and only thought about having fun. She didn't think about what could happen. Mommy was dumb baby, mommy was dumb. Please don't be mad at mommy for not keeping you. Mommy loved you for those beautiful months. Mommy cried when you got taken away mommy never thought she would see another bright day. Please believe mommy is sorry. Mommy should had put everything aside and thought about how you made her feel inside. Mommy wanted you because you were something knew. Please baby when you read this know I love you. You are my baby you are my everything. But mommy was just too young to keep you. Daddy he didn't love you and mommy. He loved you after you were born. Daddy now isn't daddy before. Mommy misses you baby. Mommy knows your going to grow up and be beautiful, smart, strong, and wise. Not like mommy at all. Please little baby know mommy cares, know that mommy is there. Know that mommy thinks about her baby girl all the time, forgive mommy when its time. Please forgive me.
OMG SOME 14 YR OLD GIRL WROTE THAT, THAT'S ODE SAD.
So allothappened this week omg! My best friends boyfriend dead wrote something to me and i told her a day late, oh top of that i mad a joke during the convo and she was really upset about the joke. It took me a very long time to understand her feelings about it but i finally did i was so upset that she was acting like if i was the worlds worst friend. I guess i was even more at the fact that I knew the joke was bad and had too much pride to say so. But i did cause i love her and i didn't want to see her hurt you know? Micaela also helped me with her crazy ass , stupid thought i was coming at her but i wasn't. Micaela be bugging lmfao. So right now idk whats going to happen.
Besides that at Alex party i got REALLY DRUNK LIKE ODE DRUNK. And told Sade something i shouldn't had but Sade is over it now lol. She wasn't mad at me but i understood why what i told her would had hurt so much cause I'D be really hurt too. UGH JESUS WHEN WILL COLLEGE GET HERE?
On a better note i had three colleges contact me, Salem College in NC, Johnson and Wells in FL, and FIT in NY. Omg SPELLMEN I NEED YOU !!!!!
its a curious thought, but its only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them . =/
Sometimes when you love some one alot you have to let them go. I know I go back and forth with this but I cant do this any more with you... You're not doing anything for me but bringing me pain and I allow you too, like a stupid love sick puppy. Love comes with more then pain but happiness. If you only have pain then whats the point of having you around? It BREAKS MY HEART to say goodbye but I know I have to. Cause you may say you will but you'll start talking to me the next day. Sometimes I dont want to leave you or even let you go but I have to.
"I get mad when you walk away, so I tell you leave, when I mean stay".
So I started talking to some one very important to me again. I was so happy. The reason why I'm so happy is because it will be easier for me to move on from my ex. OMG! But when I told him, "oh let's be friends, I'm cool with it". He didn't seem to happy about it. He basically sounded really pissed and caught like the only fit with me. Like okay your talking to a new girl, yeah I was upset because he told me he didn't want to deal with any girls right now. But I had to deal with it, like your a fucking liar. You lie about everything to save your own ass or to make your self sound better. That's fucked up in so many ways. On top of that he went as far as to say "oh maybe he will be your first true love", like what? Are you kidding me? Your really gonna sit there and judge me and catch an attitude with me because you pushed me so far away from you I'm really leaving. And that bother's you? My happiness bothers you? I'm SO SORRY ! I'm so sorry that I realized you don't care about me as much as you say and I'm getting the picture and bouncing. Like I barely give guys the time of day, ask my best friend, I treat boys like shyt. Not because I'm a bitch or anything but boys do the same shyt to girls. And HEY if they can do it so can I. I can easily sleep with a guy and never hear from them, or call, text, email, or im. LIKE HELLO ! Guys do it to girls ALL THE TIME! An all they get is a pat on the back. Like WTF is that all about. It's okay for a guy to treat a girl like his "door mat" but the minute a girl does it shes a WHORE, SLUT, EASILY, LOSE, FREE, WILD, SMUT, SKANK, TRAMP. Stop me when your ready ! PLEASE! Give me a fucking break. I will never give my heart to another. I honestly want to but it isnt easy now a days man.
But back to my wonderful story yeah my ex just gave me the only attitude, then had the nerve to have a sexual convo with me ! WTF are you on drugs? My best friend was fucking pissed. My heart has been so damaged by this boy, i fucking love him but I CANT keep letting him walk all over me and coming back and forth as he pleases.
The guy I'm talking now I really liked him alot, and I seen myself with him. But things happened and well we stoped talking. I was truly sad. But you know me I refused to show it. I think this time around it will be different. At least we're trying to you. That's what counts. .... Luis :-*
So I seriously played connect four threw the new year with my little brother. I didn't even know it was the new years until I looked at my lab top and changed my aim away to "oh wow its the new year" lmfao I so wasn't paying attention. I was too busy busting my brothers ass in this game. He stay trying to beat me, but you CAN'T beat the master my mans. Like for real T.J. quite playing games lmfao. So I wonder what this new year will bring? LOVE, HAPPINESS, SCHOOL, FAMILY, CBH? Hopefully CBH, I pray to God CBH.
